I'm sick and can't sleep
So I might as well try and write a story.
My Toastmasters mentor got me thinking the other day. He had mentioned that once I can become comfortable with myself that public speaking would no longer scare me and i might actually become good at it.
I've decided to speed this process along by writing an embarrassing story about myself in the hopes that I can purge it from my conciousness as something that makes me squirm.
I thought of this story as I lay on the couch feeling feverish and headachy.
I've always thought of myself as a rather healthy person and I'm always a little suprised when I do get sick. Cyp (i.e. my husband) likes to play on this and often brings up a story from when I was younger. I'm a fairly sturdy person and I always felt big in high school. To make me feel better my mom once told me that while yes I was bigger than most of my friends I was probably healthier (not the the pale sickly type) and that when I was older I would come to appreciate being healthier than thin and frail (I think she was looking quite far into the future).
I of course made the mistake of telling Cyp this story. Let me tell you about Cyp. He seems all quiet and demure on the outside. In fact he looks a little like Buddha - especially when he wanders around our apartment in my hot pink bathrobe - but wait, I digress, this is an embarrassing story about me. Yes - Cyp seems all quiet and supportive until we're out somewhere and we hear about some dread disease that is currently taking over the world (think bird flu). Then he pipes up with - but you'll be fine (meaning me) as you're gonna survive the famine. I try shushing him, but this doesn't seem to work, it just seems to encourage him and he goes on and on about this - pointing out my sturdy frame until I wan't to kill the little Buddha. I think he sees his tactics as character building.
This brings me to this story. It's one he also likes to bring up again and again even though he knows I'm embarrassed about it. The standoff usually ends with me being very upset and asking him to please please please shut up as he is making me feel bad. He eventually does only to bring it up again at a later date.
My story takes place in Turkey. A few years ago we went on a trip to Greece and Turkey. The Turkish part of the trip was mostly unplanned. I had always wanted to go to Greece and Cyp really wanted to go to Turkey (I wish we'd gone with what he wanted - Turkey was amazing, although if we had skipped Greece, I would never know what it's like and would have still been pining to go there).
Anyway, when we were in Rhodes I compromised. We could take a hydrofoil over to SouthWestern Turkey. While the two countries are only 45 minutes away by hydrofoil, getting someone to help us with our plans seemed difficult. We managed to track down a travel agent though who specialized in Turkey who eventually managed to help us. We specifically wanted to go on a sailing tour. A friend of a friend had told us about his trip and it sounded amazing. So this is what we did. The travel agent in Greece booked us on a 7 day sailcruise that left from Marmaris, travelled aroud to Fethiye and then went back. This turns out to be quite popular in this area and we probably could have just gone to Turkey and found our own boat by walking the docks, but we were very happy with how the trip ended up.
The sailboat was great. We had a little cabin down below at the stern of the boat. We mostly ended up sleeping out on the roof of the boat under the stars though as the little cabin was quite stuffy. All in all there were 15 passengers on the boat and 3 crew members. 2 German couples, a Serbian couple, an Italian couple and a French family of 5. The crew was basically a cook, a captain and a guy that seemed to do everything else left to do.
Aside from the initial panic when we thought we wouldn't be able to communicate with anyone else, the days on the boat were great. We mostly putt putted around to various bays. We did only sail one day and I was glad of that as it made me feel sick. The crew would dock the boat in a bay and we were free to swim around and look at the various ruins that seemed to be on just about every place we stopped. One day we stopped a bay that had some ruins that we could snorkel in and around - apparentely Cleopatra had taken baths there in her day. A family and their goats had partially taken over the sight.
That night Cyp didn't feel very well. I put it down to the heat and the amount of time we had spent swimming in the water. I thought briefly of the goats near where we were swimming and then didn't think anymore about it.
The next day Cyp was still not feeling the greatest, so he mainly slept on the deck of the boat. By this time we were in a new bay and there were some other ruins on the other side of the bay where we were anchored and up a hill. There was a man in a row boat ferrying people to that side of the bay, but I was feeling like a keener so decided to swim across the bay. So I did. I got to the other side and decided at that point I was not feeling so good. I attributed it to the heat and decided to jump back in the water and swim back. I got back, I was really not feeling so good so I joined Cyp at the front of the boat lying in the shade. I decided that I had gotten too much sun. I don't know why I was resisting the fact that Cyp was sick and I appeared to be getting sick (did I mention that it usually takes me longer to get to the sick stage - take my current cold for example, Cyp got it two weeks ago and I just got it now). The day progressed and I was feeling progressively more ill. I decided to go lay down in our stuffy cabin. At that point, I started barfing huge big projectile barfs. I went back up to tell Cyp, and then I went back down to barf some more. By this point, I had started to draw the attention of the other passengers.
Cyp came to take care of me - he was not as sick as me. At this point I was feeling slightly hysterical as I could not stop barfing, it was very hot and I couldn't keep any fluids down. I started to panic a bit (which is not really like me). I started moaning that I couldn't feel my legs and couldn't see (did I mention that I was hysterical). By this time, one crew member and French mom were in the stuffy cabin with me, wiping down my legs with a wet washcloth. Every two minutes I was up barfing in our little "head" Cyp still tells me how amazed he was that I could hit the toilet standing in two foot square bathroom.
Cyp was suggesting that perhaps I needed a doctor. This was one of the nights that we were to sleep out in a bay as opposed to anchored in town (I think that they had to pay to dock in town). So the boat turned around and went to anchor in town. Once anchored an ambulance came and got me. Picture it - all these pleasure boats docked in town and up pulls this ambulance which tries to go on the dock to get me. Eventually, I walk over to it. It then drove me about 2 feet to the doctors office.
It was now dark out - I'm not sure what time it really was. I'm grateful that the ambulance didn't have a siren. The doctor was amazing. I got all these drugs that I'd never heard of back home. Cyp and he talked about the state of affairs in Turkey at the time - their economy was fast deteriorating and this was about a month before 9/11. I listened half heartedly while I waited to see if my anti-barf shot would work. The boat's crew came to visit to see if I was ok. They were all jammed into the Doctor's office looking at me intently to see if I would live.
I next went to the clinic where I got an IV. I really got the most amazing service. I think I was the only one in the clinic. Probably no one else could afford it. It was more like a cot in a room, but the IV seemed to do the trick. The ambulance then drove me back to the boat. I think it was this point that Cyp got a call from the friend of the friend who had also taken the boat trip in Turkey. He was chatting away with Cyp about his trip (he didn't realize Cyp was actually in Turkey). Finally fell asleep about 2 in the morning.
The next day, I went back to the Doctor's. It was amazing how much better I felt. We paid him and picked up some pedialyte. I got some antibiotics (cyproxin) and numerous other drugs and all in all it cost a grand total of $270. Cyp continued on with the conversation he'd been having the night before until we decided it was time to head back to the boat.
Once back at the boat, the other passengers were glad to see that I was ok, but I couldn't help but see that "man that girl is hysterical' look in their eyes. I got sick the second to last day we were on the water and after that things didn't get back to quite how they were before. For one thing, I think the cook thought he had done it (and I think he did too - the only thing Cyp and I could trace it to was some gound beef stuffed peppers we had at lunch the day before - unless it was the goats being right next to our swimming spot). I could tell he felt guilty. So we all felt kinda funny. Cyp still felt sick (he didn't get an IV), I felt foolish, the cook felt guilty and the other passengers were worried (at least that is what I projected).
I have built this story up so much in mind since then. All I can think about is how nutty I got - making the boat take me to port! I'm a person that does not like attention - and this was the ultimate.
I'm not sure if writing about this has helped as I still feel squeamish.
posted by Renee @ 11:56 PM
2 Comments:
This is a good story because it shows how being in the lime light can make us more than uncomfortable. But anytime we speak in public we are open to surveilance and as a result vulnerable. What is interesting to me about the example with relation to the Toastmasters interest is that in Turkey you were unwillingly in the lime light where as now you are willingly choosing that place. I think this is were the power of being at the centre of attention lies- choosing to be there.
Hi Neddie—Pat here. I'm not quite sure where the embarrassment comes in; you were sick & went to a hospital? Well, that's nothing compared to the behaviour of tourists I've seen! I was embarrassed for them.
Come now, there must be SOMEthing in your past more embarrassing!
But I hope this self-imposed "outing" helps bury these ghosts.
You want to get rid of inhibitions and thicken your skin? Try going to a country where you speak the language at the level of a young child; you start off embarrassed but quickly get over it (you have no choice!). Public humiliation becomes a norm and in the end you just can't be bothered to be bothered (although it does make everyday interactions a little bit stressful)
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